Mood:Thinking
Topic:Selective Schools
S.O.C.:"To the tune of 5,000 Screaming Children" by the Juliana Theory

Hmm now let me raise a point here. I was watching the news and they sandwiched in between the Sadam hunt and the Kobe Sex Scandal a small little news bit about a All Gay High school. It seemed everyone had something to say. Some people said it was a way to protect Gay and Lesbian students from the threat of homophobic classmates. Others said that it was a waist of money to construct an all gay high school. Others asked why people were trying to cater to the whims of “heathens”.

I’m not exactly sure what I’m thinking of this topic truth be told. I have a lot of scattered thoughts that don’t really connect in any way but let me state them. I think that…isolating a certain group can cause tension no matter what. I mean look at CHS it’s a magnet school, a mini college, and we’ve all taken a good tongue lashing of Nerd and Geek. Not to mention when the Hardaway students make fun of us by having “Nerd day” not that I care I think they all look rather foolish don’t you guys? What do you think surrounding masses will say? I don’t know it makes me think of the X-Men for some reason.I mean and who says that they wanted to be treated differently from everyone else. I think most people just want to be accepted and feel as if they belong in a given place(preferably the place they are in). Also such institutes exist (I mean isolatory ones like Catholic schools) but hmm they work I mean it’s just…I don’t like the idea of segregation you know?And would this school be like mandatory or voluntery.

Anyway…I also think that your only temporarily protecting someone (from bullying and getting beat up…which I’m straight and I had my share of that in my childhood but don’t we all?) if you isolate them…plus I think it does more damaging. Like say you’ve lived your teen years in pretty tranquil settings and then all of a sudden you are forced into a world that would harm you for something as trivial as sexual orientation…which brings me to a different point…whose business is it but your own?

Which brings another point to that they are not HEATHENS!!! They are people…I never agreed with all this scrutiny over who people choose to love. I also never like the whole idea of you being born being a sin…that really never made any sense to me. At all. Anyway are we not all children of God? Hmm? Black, White, Latino, Jews, Catholics, aren’t we all the same hmm? Equally good and/or messed up? And does he not still love us? Right? Okay then what is up with all this shit? Whose to say that God didn’t one day and say, “hmmm there are many homeless children and over population and not enough food…hmmm I need to do something subtle to help this…a plague maybe? No no no…Moses isn’t there to make sure it goes well I know I will do this!” and thus it began---hey it’s a theory!

I don’t know like I said all of this is very scatter brained but it has it’s merit does it not? But in the end it lies on the individual does it not? Well all I can say that if I hadn’t met Peter I’d be bad off.

So SCREW ALL YOU PEOPLE THAT WOULD TAKE HIM FROM US!!…..I hope he’s enjoying Japan ^-^

Mood: Angry
Topic: Kim's way to fix the computer
S.o.C.: “Faithless" by Injected hehe man that CD Lisette burnt me is so multipurpose
Song Snippet:But it's my kind
I'll never be cruel
And I'll always play the fool
To be as loveless, as shameless as you
But I'm so blind
I'll do it again I feel your eyes sink in
So faithless as you've been



::Open scene to Kim holding computer at Gun point::

That's right you little piece of junk you'd better run that freaking CD or I swear I'll kill you and take Dad's laptop and don't think I won't do it bitch!

::Bishies cower on other side of the Sanctuary::

Hello everyone ::big smile:: Today my computer has decieded it felt the need to have a coup detat and try and over throw my rein in my own home no less. ::presses gun to fauly hardware:: This thing cost me about 6 hours of work on Jonnell's site and then it wanted to get cute and cut on and off whenever it felt like...::twitches making quiet the resemblence of Nny:: Then hhahha it didn't want to play my CD..hohoho...::computer shivers in fear:: then once it finally started to play it decided to only use one speaker....

Now I believe myself a patient and understanding ruler of my small domain. The Ducks and Carebears do not complain neither do the Pandas...but for some freaking reason this data aparatis decides to be evil. Now look here....I will not stand for this...I start school on the 6th and you had better damn good and well run fucking right until a time in which I have no time to use you....

But back to the speaker...now this speaker never wants to work right...but this song demands surround sound...and I demanded it work...and after spending more than 45 minutes laying under the bloody desk like a machanic under the car I ended up fixing it in the most ghetto way imagineable...you guessed it tape--BUT I HAVE SOME DIGNITY!....I used packing tape not duct...so now both speakers are blaring at a comfortable Roar....and if I get up tomorrow morning and there is a single thing wrong with this thing I am taking it apart and selling the parts ::computer shivers::

Now you will work correctly won't you? ::computer nodds:: I thought so....

::Kim smiles cutely and puts gun away::

By the way in my incarceration inside this house due to my own stupidity and misfortune I've read a lot...I recommend Across the Nighingale Floor To any one who is sick of Hemmingway or Orwell it is a sweet little change of pace. About a boy names Taeko whose family is slaughtered and he is taken in by a Feudal Lord by the name of Otori. Good book reads quick and sweet straight foreward and hard to put down. I read it in like a Day sweet sweet book of course I am hard into the Feudal Japan stuff with honor, sacrafice, and all that good stuff. It's a trilogy and well the 2nd book isn't out until like September so I'm eagerly awaiting that. Thankfully the book didn't end adruptly(like in some multibook series I can name) anyway I'm going to go.

Oh Lauren, Catherine, Junior---Peter sends greetings and affection--as of Saturday night before his trip. Oh and on my own behalf good luck with surgery Lum and Cat...hope you are at peak health soon.

Cheers,
Kim

Mood: Bored
Topic: Villonous insanity
S.o.C.: “Echo" by Trapt

If Kim was sent to a mental institution on the hill her patient report might contain phrases such as...

"...utterly brilliant, walking that shadow between genius and insanity...quiet, stays locked in room for days on end, thinking...highly dangerous mind; cannot be released into world or given access to laboratory equipment requested...stare is unnerving even to psychiatrists like myself, piercing...angst-ridden and lovelorn...convinced that the entire world system is in action to prevent love affair from carrying self out...psychopathic...sadistic...masochistic...aggressive...extreme pyromaniac...paranoid...is often found screaming in cell, in paranoia, rage, or a blind fury indescribable...utterly stark raving insane...extremely dangerous...smile is terrifying...kept in padded room, attacks walls in fits of blind rage; after hours of this, drops to floor and rocks back and forth, eyes darting, or screams...neurotic fear of being alone..."

Lol...I got that from a Quizilla Quiz...It was a very very well done quiz very funny it's the bottom one. but I think that in reality they would place snatches of that on my report if I ever go in the institution. Which is exactly what Bradwell is oh Lord. The boredom is killing me. I read a book,cleaned my house, read some more listened to music. I have done basically nothing all day long it's so wrong I hate doing nothing. Man...and I hate doing these kinda nothing entries but they help me pass the time you know? I need another book...


Kurama, that foxy ghost fox from Yu-Yu-Hakusho is
your ideal man. He is sensitive and supportive
of you, plus won't bite your head off while
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Aaah! Kawaii! Who is your ideal anime guy?
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You're the double of the silent protagonist.
Silence is your key to victory. With your
ellusive, stealthy ways, you achieve your
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Anime Stunt Double (For Girls)
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Anime Villain / Antagonistic Character Selector
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Oh god that one was long as hell but fun too

Well that's enough of that I'm going to go find a book or go for a walk...wait...I can't damnit let me go read then...

Cheers Mates,
Kim

Mood: Ironic
Topic: Affinity of Music and Piracy.
S.o.C.: “Imaginary" by Evanescence

Ahhh I love the violin...and the piano and a good guitar rfit. I love music like that the great hybrid that is the once was and the now is. Hmm in anycase funny story funny story to me you guys will probably be like...okay Kim.

Yesterday I had pictures it was evil I don't want to talk about it but on the same note I hate make up and I am never going to wear it ever again and hush Lisette I don't want to hear you go yes you will...because I don't wanna. But anyway I was scratching around my room looking for something to listen to and I finally found that wondering Eminem CD that I'd been looking for for about 2 weeks. Now here's what I realized later...My musical taste have NO Rhyme and Reason at all. None what so ever.

I find it funny that when I look in my box(all my Cds are in a box like in their respective Boxes or little protecto sheets) That I have right next to a few Linkin Park Cds I have John Tesh and um...Matchbox twenty...right there...next to the Ayumi Cds...and then there are the many many mix Cds that have floated my way due to the kindness of others. I got like the one Lisette mix which in itself is humorous because it is a big reflection of how scatterbrained I am! You got Koda Kumi with Alkaline Trio and then all of a sudden Desree(sp) and then there's that Tool Cd next to a few Goo Goo Dolls and the first Good Charlotte Cd (back when they were good and before they started singing about how much money they have and picked up this huge loser following...stupid Tiffani...grrrr...now everyone is all like ohhh GC wristband and T-shirt....comershalized losers) and then that random Dregs Cd sitting next to the Ours and then the many many many Anime soundtracks Peter Pirated for me and so forth. I mean for top humor I was sending Jonnell some smashing pumpkins lyrics(for clarification Jonnell does not like or dislike the SP I just thought I'd send her the lyrics because they seemed in her style --it was Ava Adore--but while on this note I plan to one day actually by the SP CDs instead of haveing 3 songs here 4 songs there on different CDs and I was listening to Eminem....does that makes sense to anyone? Anybody?

I mean I'm not saying it's a bad thing lol I just think it's funny is all...that I make no sense. AND I AM PROUD OF MY OWN MUSICAL ALMOST NONPREFERNCE AND CONFUSION.

There was a commerical about Piracy on TV it made me think of Peter. It was saying that we all needed to stop piracy because if not there will be no more music because it take so many people to make the music that if we didn't buy it then they wouldn't get paid and then there would be no more music. I laughed so so very hard...I mean okay if a musican is making millions and millions and has the 8 cars and 14 houses...i think it's safe to say you guys got the money...just your putting it all in one place. But why is it that when the Hoobastank CD first came out it was $10 ( I know because I was there the first day when no one knew who the hell they were...except like 5 people me Lisette and the other people on the other side of the country) and 2 weeks later they pop up on TRL and all of a sudden the CD is $17? Hmmm? Hmm? Okay then you see when your a "no body" your music is cheap no matter how many people helped make it but if your estalished as a favorite the price gets spiked?

Piracy...lol...what about that stuff you can't find? Like if I want the Entire collection of Kenshin Music(which I still do go back and see lol way back there I mention it somewhere!)and well imagine that I can't go to Peppermint and find it and I can't go to FYE and snag it and I have to specially order it from Japan which is about $200 and they are OUT OF STOCK because the show is a little older you know Then what? I'll tell you what! To the comp to download for FREE. It makes every bit of sense to me...how about you guys lol.

Please excuse this randomness lol it was just me thinking out load lol My bad.

Bye,
Kim

PS. On the Smashing pumpkins thing maybe can someone download those CDs for me (Not Peter or Geimer or Lisette because they are my music providers and I am already over my head in muscial debt to them) BUT NOT ON KAZAA I don't need my friends getting Arrested but yeah for a full list of Musica by them go here) But yeah no one has to it was just an idea thank you for your time!

Mood: Weakly Humored
Topic: SR-71
S.o.C.: “Politically Correct" by SR-71

:: sigh:: I love this song...it's very Kim. I put it up here thinking of Jonnell I think she'll find this of some amusement :) anyway this is a kinda...punky-popy band but as you can see the words are worth a listen. These guys have like 2 maybe three but I think 2 albums I have um 4 songs thanks to Peter lol. But here's this one:

"Politically Correct"

I don't mean to piss you off with things I might say
But when I try to shut my mouth they come out anyway
When I speak my mind, that's when we connect
But that's not politically correct

Our heads are so filled with thought, we can't use our imagination
Like a sky so filled with stars, you can't find a constellation
And everyone's so sensitive to every bad vibration
We're so impressing while we're regressing

There's nothing I believe in more than my own insignificance
So why does everybody think that my words can make a difference
I just don't have time to think up every social consequence
I'll just keep on talking you keep applauding

I don't mean to piss you off with things I might say
But when I try to shut my mouth they come out anyway
If you spoke your mind you might feel more connected
Until you get politically corrected

You lean a little to the left or the right but
You can only see what's on your side.
Look a little like a deer in the headlights
A little blind a little hypnotized.
So you conform with the best of intention
Change comes from inside.
After all that's what this country was founded on
Do nothing different just fall in line.

What happened to make us so afraid
You couldn't make a Mel Brooks movie today
I saw Blazing Saddles yesterday


Another good one is Non-Toxic but I think that's enough everyone just nevermind this filler entry.

Mood: Skatter Brained
Topic: Nothing
S.o.C.: “Tight Rope" by Papa Roach

Quotes of the Day: "What nourishes me also destroys me"

That's a quote off of a tatoo that Angelina Jolie has on her waiste. It's really in Latin but the way it's written is hard to read. I like the idea. I think it's talking about pain--emotional pain. I mean that's the thing that destroys a person. day by day it gets worse adn does more damage until you deal with it. Then that pain nourishes you. Even if you haven't dealt with the pain and anger that spawns from it you still use it as fuel. Your pain and anger drive you. You live to brood about it,t o smolder in it. Sometimes you want to reap vengence not only on the source of your pain but also on any one stupid enough to cross your path. You feel like no one can ever understand where you've been. I think eventually after a whole lot of time it in one form or another. you either come to terms with it and move on or it takes over and if you get lucky you just die before you become some rage driven shell of a human being. I got luckier than death---I got through it and past it and came to terms with it all. The quote is true though for a pain ridden person. I hope I never have to become that way again because that is a hard way to live.

Hmm it's crazy to live like that. I've had a lot on my mind in the last few days and well seeing that was a flash back. This pain as of late is a new one a different one. It's not new or anything it's just different. I don't know...hmm I'm sure I was going somewhere with this oh well change of subject.

I like small children like 4 year olds and younger. They're so cool. A new family moved in next door they have two small girls both very cute they show up here and talk to me every once in a while. I love small kids they're great--because I love chaos. I hate it being too calm in some situations...public places especially...it's weird because it's not an all the time thing but children are cool. They serve as ultimate honesty and compact portable unhampered chaos. I actually like that. I would much rather watch 4 small kids of like 4 years old(which I have it was so much fun) but I can't stand 1 like 9 year old (they're such punks!) Anyway love kids.

Hate doctors...hate them a lot they're screw ups they suck I'm leaving this subject.

Senior pictures are on the 24th for me...I don't want to go it's going to be horrible. I'm soooooo off my game. I haven't been sleeping well, haven't been eating too much, I'm pale and chubby and those pictures are going to be horrible I hate pictures.

I'm going...to go rest...because I need to really badly...no I'm going to go pray(I never use to pray...I've prayed all of like 5 times in the last like 4 freakin years....I'm sure God is anxious to hear what I have to say to him...)...and then I'm going to go rest and get my skattered brain back together....and maybe I'll look normal by the 24th which is what Thursday? Oh man...

Bye
Kim

Mood:Tired
Topic: Pictures that Jonnell will Probably steal :)
S.o.C.: “Vision of Paradise" by Mick Jagger

And here are Nine wonderful photos of the trip to Columbus! These are mostly the Peter and Junior ones the ones with Geimer for some weird reason didn't turn out right they're really dark and far off (you can't really see either of us) I think it's because my mom was in the criveway and we were sitting in front of his house) if anyone wants to see them let me know and I'll do my best to clear them up and make them bigger but not distored. Yes Okay here they are(fair warning they're HUGE so they're gonna take a while)

One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine


New Layout Courtesy of the young Mr. Peter Reitz not meant for small screens which makes me kinda sad because mine is like not even 800 by 600 so...yeah you know.

Well there's the comment box fire away! Oh! all links and archieves are at the buttom(push your END button on your keyboard)

Bye
Kim SWEEP SWEEP SWEEP!!

Mood:Thinking
Topic: Philosophy
S.o.C.: “I don't want to miss a thing" by Aerosmith


Quote of the Day:"Could he daily feel a stab of hunger for her? Find nourishment in the very sight of her? I think so. But would she see through the bars of his plight, and ache for him? "~ Hannibal Lecture


::sigh:: I love a good anti-hero...hmm I can always watch a movie such as this over and over again and walk away feeling good. I'm odd that way I suppose...I consider Silence of the Lamb, Hannibal, Mary Reily, and Dracula all to be romances when in fact other people label them as Thrillers or other such nonsense. But while also on this note I enjoy some romances but not the ones that end happily. I like movies like The Moulin Rouge or Romeo and Juliet...odd...hmm perhaps. I don't know I just can't watch something too lovey without walking away sick. Like I came back with a bad reaction to Fushigi Yugi that was rough. But In anycase I eagerly await Lauren's first novel becauseI have a feeling no matter which one she publishes first I will be completely satisfied. I love the way Lauren designs her characters and their situations...to me they are very realastic even if to some it's too fantastic...I think that they are still people you can find in every day life...just with certain attributes exaggerated for the sake of flow. I like the way Lauren writes....I hope she finds the time to finish a few of her novels soon.

In anycase! On to Philosophy! Peter gave me a book of Philosophy when I visited I glaced through it yesterday and I found some really interesting things. Here are two.

"The Absurd

In philosophy, the concept that human exsistance is essentially incoherent and meaningless. in Christianity, a proof of the validity of Christian doctorine that employs its very implausiblities(e.g., the notion of God becoming mortal in order to suffer for humanity): if it is too absurd to have been invented, it must be true. First enunciated by the early church father Tertullian in the maxim "Credo quia absudum est" (I believe because it is absurd), this idea was taken up in the 19th century by Soren Kierkegaard, who argued that by its very own nature faith is irrational; we must either embrace it as such or seek another way to confront the ambiguity and uncertainty of human existence. The concept of teh abusrd formed the basis of 20th century Existentialism, which sees a universe without intrinsic meaning, in which individuals must struggle to create meaning for themselves. It also influenced surrealism. related to both these movements. the theater of the absurd reached its peak in the 1950s in the works of Samuel Beckett, Eugene Ionesco, and others--plays that forsake traditional dramatic form, logic, and character to illustrate the futility of modern life."

Bleak? Oh hell yes. Do I agree? Somewhat...it's a very interesting concept to me...of course I also like to think somethings are fated which goes against the absurd in a small way...

"Game Theory

Approach to the study of decision making that models situations of competition, cooperation, and conflict in terms of rules, strategies, risks, and variable outcomes of games. I was founded by the Hungarian-American mathematician John von Neumann and amplified in his and Oskar Morgenstern's Theory of Games adn Economic Behavior(1944). Game Theory studies the ways in which people make decision s in circumstances where the outcome depends on hte others' as well as one;s own strategic choices and resulting "moves" and its therefore concerned with Players' assumptions and expectations about all the players will act rationally and, generally, that they have complete information about the projected "payoff" of any given course of action.
Games can be two-person--a one on one confruntation--or n-person, in which coalitions are often necessary for sucess. They are cooperative or noncooperative depending on whether or not the players can profit from collaboration. Zero sum games are those in which one player's gain is another players loss--the net gains and losses add up to zero. In non-zero-sum(or mixed-motive) games, both sides can benefit or benefit to different degrees. Non-zero-sum games are most intersting in game theorists, who are concerned with applying therorical principles to real-world sociological, economic, and political relationships in which outcomes are usually the result of bargaining and compromise, not winner-take-all-victories. Game theory has been applied, for example to the study of Market behavior, deterrence, and arms control, and legislativve strategy. It has also been criticized, however, as dependent unrealistic assumptions and artificial models--such as the Prisoners' Dilemma."

"Prisoners' Dilemma

The most famous example of the Game Theory is a hypothetical non-zero-sum game known as Prisoners' Dilemma. Two men, arrested on suspicion of commiting a crime together, are being questioned in seperate rooms. If neither confesses, they will both go free; if both confess, each will get a moderate jail sentence; but id only one confesses adn implicates teh other, he will receive a light sentence and his partner will get the maximum punishment. The dilemma for both of them is whether to confess and go to jail for a short time or to keep silent and risk going to jail for a long time if the other confesses. Prisoners' Dilemma contradicts the conventional view of self-interest, because here the most self-serving outcome requires trust and cooperation. However, the dominant strategy in this case--the one that has the "least worst" outcome no matter what the other player does--is confession. Game theory holds that in most situations players will follow the dominant strategy."

Wow I love that senario...haha so what would you do in this possion? because obviously the prisoners have no idea what the outcome will be because then they would both be quiet...hmm ideas?

Mood: Comically Misunderstood
Topic: The way I am lol I wish I knew like the Who am I thing like Jonnell but no…this is just the way I am
S.o.C.: “Running out of Pain” by 12 Stones This is a Geimer song…

Man I’m weary…anyway…I’m misunderstood so much of the time…so few people really understand my actions. But really I think everyone is this way. Like how do I put it…basically my fights are my own any problem any dissatisfaction all of it is a burden I care almost by myself. Peter I consider an advisor so he knows all my indecisions and the like. Geimer is as odd as this may sound my Priest. And he watches my back like no one and he even has spies one me ::looks at Jonnell and Lisette:: Yes my priest. Those two boys truly understand the workings of my mind. Which is scary. Others have tried and failed and some are still trying.

Those that are still trying are like Jonnell and Lisette, but I don’t see them cracking my code of I can help you but you can’t help me. See let me explain why you guys are not getting in as of now. I know neither of you lack devotion or spirit. Jonnell would wind up on a cross for me and Lisette is an open shelter but…they are my load I’m not theirs….how do I put it...the simplest way to put it is that I’m their friend but they aren’t mine(like they can disown me and it;s all good I mean like they just aren't allowed to help me)…but that’s wrong too. Like hmm Ahh how do I say it!!! They just aren’t allowed. Like if they are around I will forever worry about their welfare before my own and there are times when I must focus on myself because I need some maintenance but I can’t do it with them around. I have so many faults.

Another way I’m taken wrong is the whole I have a sense about people thing…like when people are trouble or when they’re troubled or take for instance how a person will react in a situation. Like the time Jonnell was wondering how someone would react to something she needed to tell them. In the end I had the end product peg(weird huh?) And then there are those times when I’m so off it’s sad. Like the new guy that showed up once and me and Jonnell being the loving souls we are decided to try and help him around but he was too busy oggeling at Tiffani. Then later at lunch that day he had the nerve to insult my chest size talking about some boy your awfully small…and then he wanted to sit next to me on the bus…riiight that sure wasn’t going to happen. Then I can be bad too. Like this one guy that went out with the hoe and hangs out with the jerks is actually a nice guy…which I find out after my friend makes me talk to him…because I wasn’t going to talk to him surrounded by evil people BUT YES!!!

Then again I have a lot of malfunctions…like the fact that I want someone to “fix” me…which to me means someone…kill the fucking perpetual paranoia please…but I’m the only one that can do that huh? I don’t know…I’m messed up in a lot of ways. Like I can’t take complements, I can’t take help(oh God You have to like Restrain me) which reminds me of this one time that Lisette bought me something and she wouldn’t take the money for it so I snuck it into her purse hehe I don’t know if she ever found it I hope she did. I can’t take apologizes very well either…you notice these are things normal human beings do easily…

::installs a comment box for Lisette—sorry it took so long I kept trying to find the code for your old on but it kept running away from me. The links are green for some reason but the color code is for grey…I’ll fix it soon::

What do I do easily…um help people? I don’t know I’m working on it guys I’m working on it because I know the song guys I know every single one of you are tired of the way I act when it comes to when something bothers me. Some of you poor poor poor people have been putting up with this…I don’t need your help attitude for almost three years now(Peter and Geimer) and I am so so sorry that I do this it’s just…I don’t know a defensive mechanism okay…you know. ::sigh:: I’m working on it…I really am…I just ahh I’m trying I can’t offer anything else…I got good attributes someone remind me what they are again haha…Man…I’m not in a bad mood just a dissatisfied one…

That’s another thing—I never get mad at other people I just get angry at the circumstance...I only get actually angry at myself...and my parents...and brother I think...I'll get upset and moody sure...but certain friends of mine ::cough cough:: don't tell me things for fear of an angry reaction. Usually my frusteration at a situation(mostly the fact that I can't do anything ) is mistaken for anger at the person...nope I can honestly say I've never been angry at unsaid people for telling or not telling me things...just frusterated at the situation....

Okay I've gone on long enough about myself.

Well my poem kinda fell under the bowling entry but that's okay because some people found it and read it hehe.

Games offered the heaviest analysis. Which at some points I nodded and at others I went "....how...well I guess you could take it that way...that's not what I meant...but hey if it works take it as you will." so another Games in his infinate wisdom corner!

"To me it seems to speak of somone cradling and letting all your defenses down and embrace a safe haven in your bed to have someone share your bed with so you won't feel lonely in such a desolet place. To recuperate in a warm shroud of love and devotion as you travel through life and wares away at you like waves agasint the mountains listening to the
heartbeat of the other and know that someones life has been devoted to your comfort. Of course i could be just pouting a load of non-sense but to me thats as it appears.

Also there seems to be a sexual undertone to some it not like raunchy stuff but i mean feeling there smiles across their lips and to lay your with them in your bed exhausted and enjoy the sound of their beating hearts. I don't know it seems to have a slightly romantic/erotic thing to it. "

Erotic...I'm so proud!!! My work is being written about like an Anne Rice novel oh the joy. haha but seriously...that didn't cross my mind when I wrote it. But I did see where that may have sprung from.... Oh well anyway this blog entry was longer than I meant it to be(I wrote it in chunks throughout the day this is my form of thearopy lol) So yeah just one last few things.

Junior--I got a secret and I'm not going to tell you!
Geimer--HAHAH he knows the secret(but he's not going to tell you Jun he promised not to!)
Peter--Did you get my e-mail
Lisette--TAKE IT DOWN PLEASE I beg you for the third time!!
Jonnell--Thank you for the e-mail! And i'll change your inside part of you site to your new site if you want me to


Okay I think I'm done...I think....
Bye
Kim

Mood:Out of Sorts
Topic:today
S.o.C."Porcelain" From Boogiepop Phantom

Today Lisette, Dan, and I all went bowling again(the only thing to do in this town I swear) and it was kind of a trial. Not that I didn’t have fun it was just…I’d only slept the whole of 4 hours and plus I was battling some nausea ( but I don’t know what the hell I was going to throw up because I haven’t been eating much lately) But I wasn’t much into the actual game I was just enjoying the company. It was good…I’ve been in this confused fowl mood lately and it was nice to have the positive energy to feed off of.

The gang was making fun of me because I had thrown 5 gutter balls in a row so to show that I could play when I was focused I got two strikes back to back since it was the final frame. We played three games goofing around mostly doing just the craziest things like trying to match one anothers shots or only trying to hit the pins in the corner it was fun.

Dan had a stain (looked like make-up) on his white shirt and Lisette and I joked around that he had found another girl to hang out with(I’m his only female friend) and that he was probably sneaking around behind my back doing promiscuous things. I pretended to be jealous and we made a fine scene of ‘what woman have you been rubbing up on?’ and‘but I swear there is no other woman’

At some point Lisette started cracking jokes because we noticed that since the part where you throw the ball is raised like 3 or 4 inches above where you sit that you are basically level with the person who is bowling bum. Eventually it ran to her and I comparing hips and such and then to put Dan on the stop as a quick joke which we’d been doing the whole time I asked him what he thought of my build. Lisette put it more precisely though saying in a daytime talk show host voice “Yes Bob what do you think of Kim’s Butt and hips?” I thought that was the end of the joke you know but he actually answered. The comment was…bold and I suppose flattering to some extent but…it kinda made me uncomfortable that my friend (because that’s all Dan is (contrary to popular belief) my friend. because I’m not comfortable with thinking beyond that realm…but I know he has) to take such notice in my physical appearance. Then Lisette brought up this one time in the hall way when she publicized my breast size asking if that was considered small. Dan laughed.

I was kinda stormy at that point…not exactly angry really just…a little uncomfortable…you know in a quick joke you can make fun of anything I won’t care. Like Lisette joking about my hips or when we were joking on Dan’s height or how we could see though his white shirt to see his boxers just stuff like that quick and then you let it go. But putting the focus on the way I’m built is something that I kinda get edgy on. Plus I didn’t like Dan falling into that realm of thinking. I don’t want something messing up whatever it is that we have.

I really don’t feel like explaining what it is that Dan and I have but since I’m here I might as well try…but I think I have before I don’t know I’m confused with him now…shit…I’d better call him tomorrow and straighten out any misunderstandings…I wasn’t made with him or Lisette…but I might have come off that way.

Mood:Hazy
Topic:2AM

::sigh:: I hate it when I don't sleep properly it makes my head a little sensitive to everything. Like I'm more suspetable to odd dreams and such. Anyway I wrote a little Poem a few nights ago when i couldn't sleep. I think it's nice...but I feel it's not finished like I'm missing something or that I could do more with it. But I also feel I could let it stand as is. I would like Lum to read it if she finds the time because her opinion to me is like....::searches for suitable comparison but can't find one unless she says God and that seems a little blashmous::...a REALLY big deal to me ^-^

So yes...this was written at hahah you guessed it 2am(Johnny Time?) and well it maybe a little incoherent and the like but yes. My poem though It’s called Cradle…it’s kinda like a song

Cradle

Night arrives on merciful wings.
I long to collapse into your bed.
Take this broken body and inspect it.
This world’s persecution has given me a shattered heart, a demolished soul, and tattered
wings…simply hold them in your gaze.
Survey if I am worthy of you time so you may resolve this disarray
I beg of thee, please let me rest in your arms, let them be my sanctuary, give me a place
to sleep, a cradle
The world is an awful place.
The wings I started this journey with are scorched and tattered
I may not look like much anymore
But let me spend one night in my cradle and I will be reborn
Your warmth consumes me as your life rings in my ears.
A smiles play across my lips—my life flees as quickly as yours.
I cling to you and behave as a child because here in my cradle no harm can befall me
The world is an awful place.
The wings I started this journey with are scorched and tattered
I may not look like much anymore
But let me spend one night in my cradle and I will be reborn
Dawn takes the place of night and I must go.
I’ve stolen rejuvenation from your arms or was it your gift to me.
You washed my wounds,
bound my broken wing,
returned me to full health but what is the price?
My Body?
My Soul?
No
you say
You see I too am battered and broken so simply
Your Love
And a cradle
Is what I ask
The world is an awful place.
The wings I started this journey with are scorched and tattered
I may not look like much anymore
But let me spend one night in my cradle and I will be reborn